The best books for living your best life

I read Being Peace about 30 years ago. It’s the first of many books by this Zen Buddhist monk that I’ve read since then.

In one short volume, it captures the essence of what he teaches in his writings, retreats, and videos. Each short segment has layers of meaning and emotion that, over time, settle into the soul.

Despite years of therapy and meditation, my periods of inner peace were few and far between. This book planted a seed that led to more books, a new meditation practice, and eventually to my going to a large retreat, joining a community of Buddhist practitioners, and becoming a therapist myself.

I’ve passed on many of Thich Nhat Hanh’s wise insights and observations to my own clients.

In the late 1960s, Eugene Gendlin teamed up with pioneer psychologist Carl Rogers to try to figure out why some people got better with therapy while others did not.

After screening for all the factors that might explain this phenomenon, they identified the most important one, and it was something people either came into therapy already doing (and they got better) or didn’t do (and they didn’t improve). Gendlin created Focusing to teach us all this simple, powerful technique. It’s the best self-help tool I know.

Along with meditation, Focusing is at the heart of my personal and professional life.

When I Say No, I Feel Guilty is the book I most often take off my shelf to show clients.

Even if all you take away from it is the Broken Record technique for saying no and sticking to it, and you accept that the author’s Assertiveness Bill of Rights really does apply to you, When I Say No, I Feel Guilty will change your life for the better.

I wish this book had been published 50 years ago. It’s the perfect antidote to guilt-tripping and a trusty companion for staying true to your own needs, wants, and desires.

The Highly Sensitive Person is another book I wish had existed when I was growing up. It helped me understand that I’m someone who takes in, on both a sensory and emotional level, more than most people do—an HSP.

Often misdiagnosed as anxiety, being “highly sensitive” is a mixed blessing. We HSPs can’t screen much out, so we’re bothered by sounds, smells, and internal sensations that most people don’t even notice. But, because we have more data to work with, often we can make connections that non-HSPs cannot. HSPs are often highly creative.

The book includes a simple test to identify high sensitivity and practical advice for making the most of this trait in yourself or in your highly sensitive child.

The War of Art is an essential book for any creative person who feels blocked, stuck, gets off track, or is held back by self-doubt.

Pressfield’s identification of the many faces of Resistance, along with his distinction between the professional and the amateur, helped me fend off an inner critic that had hindered me for decades, allowing me to finish four books (and counting) I had previously abandoned.

Pressfield hammers home this crucial point: “Creative work is not a selfish act or a bid for attention on the part of the actor. It’s a gift to the world and every being in it. Don’t cheat us of your contribution. Give us what you’ve got.”

And then he gives us the tools to get that work done.